PTSD in motherhood - the KMB article

Last year I wrote an article for the Go Ask Your Mother panel over at KMB on post traumatic stress disorder in early motherhood. I had no idea it even existed until very recently and I found it an interesting and very sobering topic. Here's the article below:

Knock, knock. Who's there? PTSD. Oh, you're not welcome here.

Picture this: you're pregnant, your belly's ripe, the baby's baked, the bags are packed and the birth plan is written up and thrice checked. You know each step word for word, you've mapped out the quickest way to the maternity ward and the last four weeks have been spent envisioning your baby's magical birth. But now it's D-day and things aren't going to plan. Not at all. Not even close. Your natural water birth has morphed into a drug embellished emergency C-section and all your childbirth ideals have left the operating table for the brighter lights of Daydream Land. Everything went fine, though - you're still in one piece, baby's healthy, your partner has regained the colour in his face and the steadiness in his hands but what now? Surely there's got to be some emotional or psychological backlash for things going so horribly askew? For some women, we climb back on our horses and proceed as normal. For others however, it's not that simple.

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is something I'd never really thought much about, for all I knew it was an ailment that afflicted war vets and car crash survivors and rightly so. That is until I myself was diagnosed with it three years ago after it crept up on me unannounced, arising from a harrowing ordeal in my teenage years. This was totally unrelated to childbirth of course, but that's not the point - it got me thinking. How many other people in this world suffer from PTSD and what exactly sets it off? I mean, we're talking about an often debilitating disorder that can strike at any time - right while the trauma iron is still burning hot or years down the track when you least expect it. PTSD can stem from a life threatening even such as a natural disaster or severe physical or psychological pain or abuse to name a couple. Put simply, any event that inflicts such psychological trauma on an individual that they cannot comprehend nor cope with the experience, PTSD may become and uninvited acquaintance.

When a friend sent me an article on PTSD in post childbirth/early motherhood situations (which cites that mothers who either fear their birthing experience or thing it will be amazing are at a higher risk of developing PTSD) I began to wonder just how common it was. The birth of my son didn't go according to my "ideals" at all (even when I thought I didn't have any) and I carried a slight emotional chip on my shoulder for a while because of that. I certainly didn't suffer the nightmares, vivid flashbacks or hyper vigilance that are common amongst PTSD sufferers but I definitely did get a little hot, flustered and nauseous every time I drove past the hospital. I wondered if PTSD was a lot more common in new mothers than was recognised and as it turns out, it is. Why then, are we only beginning to hear about it now? Well, according to many sources PTSD is still regularly diagnosed as postnatal depression (PND). Why? Because the symptoms are often so similar to PND it can sometimes be impossible to tell the difference.

Let's look at just a few of the warning signs of PND: sadness, a feeling of being overwhelmed, panic attacks, a lack of bonding between you and your baby and sleep and/or eating disorders. These can pop up soon after the birth or months later and can sometimes, without treatment, slowly heal themselves within time. Now this is where it gets tricky. PTSD can also rear it's ugly head soon after birth, months or even years later. The first onset of symptoms (such as nightmares, vivid flashbacks and panic attacks) can hang around for a while and if left to fester can morph into what's called cover up symptoms which range from depression and eating disorders to severe panic attacks and dissociation from your baby, partner and life. Sound familiar? Just like PND, right? Well, yes and no. The scary thing is, if PTSD is left untreated it doesn't go away like postnatal depression can. It can hang around. And around. Aaaand around until you have no choice but to deal with it. And nobody wants to spend their child's wee years feeling like the sky's about to fall and their sanity has well and truly done a fat Elvis and left the building.

So. I won't end this article with a string of advice because as new mothers we all get enough to last us a lifetime, nor do I want to end it on a bad note because there's always loads of light at the end of the tunnel. But I will say this (I know, I know, I haven't suffered PTSD first hand from childbirth but I have suffered extensively from it) if you feel off, if you feel strange, if things aren't going the way you thought, listen to what your body, mind and emotions are telling you and talk to someone, anyone! Your partner, your best friend, fellow mums, your bank teller for all it matters, just talk and talk and talk because at some point you'll be pointed in the right direction and bang, help will be standing there on your doorstep, looking as good as Ryan Reynolds with chocolates and flowers (and no shirt). Try not to pack it all into a little box and store it in the basement of your brain to let it gather dust and get shoved around to fit more boxes in that will hide it until three years down the track when you decide it's time to do a clean out and, oh dear, there's that box and now I have to unpack it and see what's inside and decide what on earth I'm going to do with it all. Catch my drift? Good.

My motto? If you're feeling crap, talk to the quack (or pretty much anyone else that you want to, but "anyone else that you want to" doesn't rhyme with crap and doesn't really have the same ring to it....)