You shall not woo me, Chrisco man

I searched for a picture of this man, but perhaps it's a better idea that I don't put one up and instead resort to the above because even though it's corny as heck it beats this guy.

Question: Do you have any idea who I'm talking about? If not, be glad. If you do, you'll understand that I'm talking about the "good looking" British dude that's taken over the Chrisco ads in the hopes of (I'm assuming) appealing to SAHM's appreciation of "good looking" British dudes thus forking out their husband's hard earned cash for a Chrisco hamper. Sexist, much?

Now I have to admit I am incredibly partial to a man with a smooth, sexy English accent. I am not, however, impressed by a man who was obviously a used car salesman in his last life that talks like David Beckham and looks like a real estate agent/strip club owner. Nor am I wooed in the slightest by him calling me a "gorgeous kiwi Mum". And it seems I'm not the only woman to feel this way considering the line has now changed to "smart and gorgeous kiwi Mum". Oh I feel so much better now! I'm gorgeous and smart. Yippee! I'm awesome and all yours, Chrisco man.

Is there anything that Chrisco doesn't do? Well, it certainly doesn't make me want to drop my knickers and most definitely not my moolah in this guy's pocket just for some measly biscuits. You're gonna have to work harder than that.

Yours sincerely,
(Much more than just a) smart and gorgeous kiwi Mum.

Lets play the shame game - Baobab Cafe, Newtown

A dear friend of mine sent me an email the other day ranting and raving over the treatment Jessica, a buddy of hers got when lunching in Baobab Cafe a week or so ago. Having read it and growing understandably more grizzly with each sentence, I got in touch with Jessica to get the full story and here it is, straight from the horses (I use the word horse figuratively, of course) mouth:

I went into Baobab last Friday morning with my 7 month old daughter Ava to meet two friends from my Mothers Network Group and their daughters aged 4.5 months and 8 months. We grabbed a table and moved our buggies out of the way so they weren't blocking any of the other tables or the aisles. The owner immediately came up and said that as the cafe was small our buggies were rather a pain and could we move them outside. All three of us were using them at the time so clearly we couldn't and moved them well out of the way instead.

My daughter Ava started having a little cry so I picked her up, gave her a cuddle and put her dummy in. She cried for about 2 minutes and the owner came over again and the resulting conversation went something like this (not word for word of course, but you get the gist) ....

Owner: You're really going to have to leave. Your baby has been crying for ages and people are leaving because of you. Everyone is staring at you. If your baby is crying you need to take her out of the cafe. You can take her for a walk and come back if you want but you can't stay here, you're annoying the other patrons.

Me: We'll leave, but we won't be coming back... ever!

Owner: I have a baby too you know, but you can't just let them cry in a cafe. It's very irresponsible and it's causing the other people to leave. You need to take the baby away now.

Me: OK that's fine, you can stop now. You've said more than enough and we're leaving.

Owner: Irresponsible blah blah blah, annoying other patrons blah blah blah.

And so we left. On the way out I apologised to the two tables next to us for disturbing them and both said they hadn't been disturbed in the slightest! I was really upset and was in tears by the time we got outside, it was sad because I used to go there all the time and know the staff well who are all really lovely - they always said hello to Ava and she always had a smile for them! Good food, good coffee, good staff. Shame about the owner....

Needless to say, I most definitely won't be blessing them with my patronage. I understand the buggy thing, or would if they were blocking the way of passing waiters. I also understand the crying thing, but not when bubs has been crying for all of two minutes and it's not bothering the other patrons. 

Does this mean that when the woman at the table next to me is shrieking with laughter to the point my ears are bleeding I can complain and you'll ask her to leave? Or when the straggly haired hippies sitting outside puffing away on their fags are blowing their smoke through the doors and windows right into my face I can have a whinge and you'll ask them to get out? I think you'll find the answer is no. Even if I asked, they wouldn't be shown the door. So why then, when no one even complains about an innocent crying baby is this Mama asked to leave? Unfair, I say, and unjust. The worst thing is, Jessica (offended mother) left a wee note of displeasure on Baobab's Facebook page which was promptly deleted. Ashamed, much?

Post Script: Have a read of me eating my words after bagging Baobab, naughty naughty!

Mamas & society - breastfeeding bigotry

So, babies and boobs - they just go together, right? Like gin and tonic, men and rugby, Gaga and ridiculous shoes. Why then, are Mums sometimes made to feel less than comfortable about breastfeeding their little bundles in public?

I've only breastfed Little Red a couple of times in public (I generally express a bottle for when we're out and about - 1. It's easier as he takes his sweet time and has a rather embarrassing habit of leaving me high, dry and floating in the breeze while he takes in the sights mid-feed and 2. Sadly, I do sometimes feel uncomfortable about breastfeeding in public). Luckily when I've breastfed, I've been in baby-friendly places and usually with family, friends or other Mamas so haven't had much trouble. But I certainly have heard some horror stories!

Jessie, a fellow mother from coffee group who's gorgeous wee girl is a week younger than my boy, was recently the unlucky recipient of what I like to call "breastfeeding bigotry". Spending the afternoon in Wellington's Central Library, she found a quiet, comfortable couch to feed her hungry baby on. Harmless, discreet and justified, right? Well, not according to one awful gent (gent? Antagonistic ass hole, more like) who had the audacity to remark "Oh, I didn't realise I was in a buffet bar.... you could have found somewhere better to do that". I have no doubt that your eyes are bulging out of your skull right now as you think, why on earth would someone say a thing like that?! I know that's what I thought (among many other things that aren't fit to write on this page) and so did all the other mothers in our coffee group.

Ruth, another proud coffee group mother to a lovely little girl, also found herself victim to a breastfeeding bigot when she asked a waiter at local coffee shop, Fannie Mae, if she could feed her little one to which he answered "Yes, as long as you don't expose yourself".

As well as these two incidents, I've heard stories of Mamas feeding in public and being met with either stony glares or downright stares and the odd "ahem". I've even been told by someone, in person, that they "find it offensive" when Mums breastfeed in public! Yes, yes, of course there are plenty of places where you're met with loving nods and knowing winks but what I want to know is, why shouldn't it be like this everywhere you go?

Babies have been breastfed for, well, forever! How else are they going to get the nutrients and sustenance that they so deservedly need? So why the stigma? Why this need to over-sexualise breasts and feeding? No, we're not going to get our boobies out in your cafe and shake them around for all to see. We're not in some schoolboy fantasy or some overtly sexual, breast obsessed, Oedipus porn parody with middle aged men running around in over-sized nappies crying for their Mummy's and begging to be punished - because let's face it, it's generally the male race that has the issue and aren't we, as Mums, simply doing what we were given boobies to do? How do these men think they were fed when they were rolling around in diapers? Via an elaborate maze of straws? Do they think they came straight from the amniotic and sunk their gums (!!) into a nice juicy steak? Ah, no. I guarantee the majority of them had mothers just like us who had them attached to their breasts at some point.

So, I say let's quit the bigotry against breastfeeding in public and be supportive of Mamas and however they choose to feed their babies. Because after all, who wants to stand in the way of a hungry baby? It's only going to end in tears!