Parenthood vs. Partnerhood

Once you were just a partner. Now you're a parent and a partner. 

Whether or not we like to admit it, it sure can be a challenge balancing a baby and a relationship - sometimes it feels impossible, like you're juggling too many balls at once, they're falling down all over the place and you haven't the time nor the energy to pick them all up again. Even though it's tough, it's so, so important to keep that "spark" alive between you and your partner as well as keeping your own spark burning bright - you are something other than just a mother, after all! It'll keep you (and them) sane as well as helping your little family blossom ten-fold.

Couple time, or more recently known as Mummy and Daddy time, may feel like nothing more than a distant memory. It's all good and well living the baby, baby, baby lifestyle but don't forget that you and your partner are people with emotions and needs too.

For a wee while, Little Red really was the only thing Nick and I talked about. In fact it got to the point where (on my part) I would converse with him through Redford,i.e. "Well, little man, do you think Daddy would like to give you your bottle now?" or "Do you think Daddy would like to hear about your Plunket visit today?" I mean, really! Why these questions couldn't be directed straight at Nick himself is beyond me. Your little one is there to love, cuddle and nurture, not to act as an unknowing messenger. That wee habit of mine is now, thank God, gone for good and everything I want to say to Nick I say it straight to him and leave bub to wriggle around unsuspecting on his play gym. And nowadays, we make sure we take the time to refresh, unwind and talk about loads of other things besides the peanut, even if it's something as simple as the weather or what's on the news.

Make the most of that time in the evening after baby's gone to bed - snuggle up together or have a glass of wine and a chat, watch TV or go to bed and cuddle under the covers. When you're feeling ready, enlist a family member or close friend to look after the little one so you guys can see a movie, go for dinner or catch up with friends. The first time we went out without Little Red was lovely (although we both missed him like crazy) - it made us feel normal and human again. Even when baby's up not everything you do has to be about him. Talk to each other about your days, put baby in his bouncer or play gym so you can have dinner together, get the buggy out and go for an evening walk. It's amazing how much you appreciate the little things once you have a child.

If it's important that you have time together as a couple, it's equally important for both of you to have time to yourselves. As a Mama it's so easy to get carried away with being nothing more than that - you can spend every hour of the day tending to your little one and keeping the house tidy if you're not careful. I did. But now I take time for myself and it's incredibly rewarding. Where I used to run around the house like a headless chicken putting washing on, folding it, vacuuming and doing the dishes as soon as bubs went down for a sleep, I now let chores take second place and do what I want to do, as opposed to doing what I need to do - and really, what I need to do is something for myself anyway! So, I read a book, I write in my journal, I blog, I take a long shower or bath, I have friends over for afternoon tea, I bake yummy treats, I have a lie down. And when Little Red wakes up, I feel relaxed, content and most importantly, like me again.

And just as Mummy's need time out, so do Daddy's. It's easy to forget this when your partner is out of the house all day while you're at home with baby - but it's not as if they're out fanny farting around, they're "bringing home the bacon", if you will. In the beginning, I made damn sure that when Nick was home, he would be doing what I do - changing nappies, cleaning, settling the little man etc. Then one day I noticed how tired he looked and I thought, wow, he's up before we are in the morning, he works non-stop from 8am til 6pm and he's more than ready to help with nursing during the night (and he doesn't get to nap during the day if he wants to). Now, I'm not justifying the idea of him coming home and doing nothing or saying that he works harder than me because it's all equal in the grand scheme of things and we all need to pull our weight to keep things smooth, but I'm definitely.... easier on him nowadays. Nick would cook, clean and settle until the cows came home if I asked him to, without a word of protest, but I now realise that he deserves to have some "me" time too. These days I don't get so smacked-arse when all he wants to do for an hour each evening is sit, relax and unwind.... before he gets on with the chores ;)